When a grandparent spends way too much

6 June, 2008 (00:35) | debt management | By: LowDebt

“That One Caveman” has been driven to an extreme approach to deal with his mother-in-law’s chronic overspending, particularly when it comes to the caveman’s child.

Given, her behavior is distressing. She’s a shopaholic who is threatening her own financial future. For instance, her daughter’s old bedroom is packed with stuff she’s purchased but never even taken out of the shopping bags. Now, despite being asked not to, she is showering trinkets, clothes and potentially unsafe toys on her granddaughter, and even tried to foist a $20 bill into the 17-month-old cavegirl’s hand.

That was the last straw. The caveman wants to make both grandparents sign a contract, he explains in a post at One Caveman’s Financial Journey. (His wife isn’t sure if she can go through with it.)

“We have complained numerous times to deaf ears that we do not want them to purchase anything for our daughter, especially without consulting us first,” That One Caveman writes. The contract would prohibit:

Purchases for the child without her parents’ permission.
Giving money directly to the child — and to the parents unless they give permission first.
Disrespect for household rules, whether or not the parents are present.

It’s so sad that it’s come to this. That One Caveman agrees, but says he can’t let Grandma’s compulsive spending influence his child. He says, “As a parent, you cannot be afraid to stand up for what you believe is right for your household and your family.”

Some readers of his blog didn’t approve of his approach. Lisa said that “you might want to consider that this is her way of showing love and you’ll offend her by giving her a contract.”

But most thought he had every right to control his mother-in-law’s behavior toward his child if he couldn’t otherwise help her get her compulsion under control. “Frugal Babe,” whose own mother-in-law also overspends on the grandkids, wrote: “It’s tough to balance love for family members with your own values and house rules, but to us it’s worth it. Good luck.”